Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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