so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize