mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize