Christians are straight up FREAKS
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
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He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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