a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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