im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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