I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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