There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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