this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
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He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
BRING THE BAGELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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