Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize