if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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