"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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