I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize