sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i barfeds in our rink
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
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We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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