its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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