the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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