I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize