I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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