Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
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They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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