george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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