I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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