Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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