At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
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Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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