btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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