no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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