i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
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I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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