My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize