Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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