I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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