dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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