his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize