Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize