If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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