oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smell my finger.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize