idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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