his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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