Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize