Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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