so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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