We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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