I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you will always have a special place in my vag
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
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HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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