Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
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Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
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I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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