btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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