i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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