You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize