I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize