I need to stop coming to work sober
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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