Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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