No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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