i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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