There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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